Listen to the Angels Singing
by SleepyBard
Summary: The only chance he’s got of ever seeing his brother breathe, laugh, smile again, is by a miracle.


**Title**: Listen to the Angels Singing  
**Chapter**: 1/1  
**Rating:** M**Pairing:** Sam/Ruby  
**Genre**: Angst, Implied Major Char Death, Slight Het  
**Warning:** Spoilers for Season four premier. Bad language, slight angst, dramatic irony  
**Summary:**: _The only chance he's got of ever seeing his brother breathe, laugh, smile again, is by a miracle. _  
**Disclaimer:** Not Mine.

* * *

"Don't."

"We have to, boy! You gone crazy or do you _want_ Hell's bitches possessin' your brother?"

"I said no Bobby. I…" Sam sighs. "I need it for when I get his soul back."

The grave gets covered, the casket nailed and buried six feet under before even a week has gone by. Sam wants to throw his head back, watching as Bobby continues to shovel some last bit of dirt over the site, and scream at the heavens. '_It's not fair! That should be me!_'

He takes two loose boards from the side, nails them together in the form of a cross, then hammers it down in front of where Dean's head should be.

After that, Bobby and Sam stand over Dean's grave for a good half hour, both thinking of everything he had sacrificed in his life, thinking about how this is what he gets in return.

Sam doesn't feel the need to breakdown, not anymore; not after sobbing his heart out a few days before, back when Dean's body was bloody and torn, looking like a Christmas tree dolled up in red tinsel. And no matter what Sam tried, he couldn't erase the image of Dean's body like that, with scarlet ribbons wrapped around his torso, gashed and grotesque.

Sam finally tears his eyes away and looks over at Bobby. He's got tears streaming down his face and doesn't move to wipe them away.

His whole life, Dean's never asked for much. Their tears though, Sam's and Bobby's… it's the last thing they have to give to Dean.

***

Sam fucks his way through Indiana, over the border and into Illinois. He picks up girls everywhere; gas stations, motels, diners, malls, the goddamn sidewalk. And they all come willingly too.

Two months are spent fucking, eating, and hunting. Bobby called a few times in the first few weeks, but lately the calls have gotten fewer and longer in between.

After a week without any word from Bobby, Sam decides he needs a distraction from the vile demons he's spent all his time exorcising.

He walks back to his motel room and sees some brunet leaning against the door. He almost cracks up, thinking about how the girls just seem to gravitate towards him now.

"I've been looking for you Sammy." She says.

***

He and Ruby spend 2 months together, harnessing and learning to control his abilities. It gets to the point that he regains control over his visions and can use the telekinesis waveringly. His most useful ability, however, is without a doubt being able to send demons back to Hell with a single thought.

***

He misses Dean. Sometimes his remorse, his guilt, gets so bad, he can only vent in one way. Ruby knows. She understands what it's like to feel so frustrated, so angry, you want to _kill_ someone, gut them and make them bleed; bleed the way Dean bled for him.

Ruby knows how to appease his turbulence too.

The first time they do it, it's so rough, against the wall next to his motel door, that afterwards, slumped and panting against each other with foreheads pressed tightly, her blood drips down to the ground, staining the grimy carpet.

The times after that are just as rough, but more controlled. And through it all, Sam doesn't feel a thing. Hell, half the time, he's thinking about Dean, about what he would say if he could see Sam's behavior now, fucking demons and all that, and Ruby nonetheless.

But that only succeeds in feeding his depression, his ambivalence, his anger. Because Sam's tried everything: deals, rituals, threats. Nothing has worked, and Sam just has to accept it, admit it to himself at least, that nothing, _nothing_, is bringing his brother back from the pit.

The only chance he's got of ever seeing his brother breathe, laugh, smile again, is by a miracle.

But God's never answered his prayers before. And he doubts the angels will start singing sweet lullabies for the devil reincarnate.

***


End file.
